The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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