There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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