Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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