I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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