Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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