just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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