I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
