we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
