I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize