Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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