I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
