"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
bring money and cleavage
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need water and some morals
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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