Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
