Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
