I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
