he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
