We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
