The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
