i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
