Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My ass is underappreciated
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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