You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
