Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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