So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
