There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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