Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Buhtt sex?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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