I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize