There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize