they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shame is for Republicans.
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