I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
