I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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