someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize