Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
