if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
