im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
