We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
