I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
