Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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