from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
