so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
