Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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