what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
