Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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