i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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