I was born with a shot glass in my hand
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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