I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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