They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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