He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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