yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
