All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
