It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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