Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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