bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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