When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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