My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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