Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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