i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When are your genitals available?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
