Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
