i permit you to call me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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