Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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