I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
