two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
