Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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