i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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