Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
