She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
