i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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