Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
