This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
