She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
