a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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