Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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